Searching for Easter Morning

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. -John 3:16-18

My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father - Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world. -1 John 2:1-2

By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise, you have believed in vain. For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures... -1 Corinthians 15:2-4

Sounds like pretty good news, doesn't it? Christ died for our sins. He paid the price for our faults and failures before God so we wouldn't have to. All we have to do is accept the free gift of Jesus Christ, believe, and we will be saved. We are forgiven.

Aren't we?

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. -Romans 8:1-2

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. -1 John 1:9

So we do that. God forgives our sins. Right? Good news.

What about people? Do they forgive us? Not always.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. -Romans 12:17-18

To me, this implies, if not outright states, that I can try to live at peace with others but that doesn't mean others will want to live at peace with me.

Sometimes, I don't blame them.

I'm not a perfect person, far from it, actually. I guess I'm safe in saying that no one is perfect and that we all make mistakes, but it doesn't make my mistakes any easier to live with. I've hurt people. I've let people down. I've tried to make those things right again, as best I can, anyway.

That isn't always enough.

What happens when you've wronged a friend, tried to make it right and they don't forgive you? What happens if you've wronged your child or your spouse, tried to make it right, and they don't forgive you? Sometimes, you can only do so much to try and fix the past. Some people say to let the past be past, let it go, and move on, trying to be a better person today than you were yesterday.

Not everyone "forgives and forgets".

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. -Matthew 6:12

This is part of what we call "the Lord's Prayer" and the Master was instructing his disciples how to pray to God. He was also illustrating here that there is a relationship between our forgiving others and how (or if) we receive God's forgiveness.

Maybe that's the key. Why should we expect God to forgive us of our sins if we don't forgive others when they wrong us? But does that mean God doesn't forgive us if human beings don't forgive us? If even one, single person won't forgive us for how we've wronged them, even when we've tried to make it right, to turn from our sins, and make amends, does that mean God will refuse to forgive us too?

I doubt it. Otherwise, the forgiveness of our sins in front of the Eternal God would be dependent on the emotions and even the whims of a human beings and some of them (us) aren't very forgiving.

But there is something else to consider.

Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD. -Leviticus 19:18

The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these. -Mark 12:31

We should love our neighbor as we love ourselves? Love ourselves? That's quite an assumption. Here's another one:

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church... -Ephesians 5:28-29

Loving yourself. Loving your own body. I guess Jesus and Paul never heard of low self-esteem and depression. There is a considerable amount of information in the Bible about forgiving others and asking for forgiveness when we've done wrong, but as far as I can tell, there isn't an instruction regarding forgiving yourself. That brings up an interesting question.

Based on the Lord's Prayer and God's forgiveness being contingent upon our forgiving others, if we don't forgive ourselves, does God forgive us? If I don't or can't forgive myself, will God refuse to forgive me?

It would be rather ironic, especially in light of the hope engendered by the week of Unleavened bread as celebrated by Jews, and the joy generated by this Easter Sunday as commemorated by Christians, to realize that the plan of God to provide for the forgiveness of the world could be stymied by a person's inability to forgive himself. But even if by some miracle God forgives you anyway, does it matter if the people you love can't or won't do the same? Does it matter if you can't forgive yourself?

I respond to Easter pretty much the way I respond to Christmas. Both are Christian holidays where the assumption is you are supposed to feel happy and joyous, no matter what. In fact, if you don't feel happy and joyous on Christmas and Easter for any reason, there's something wrong with you. I really don't like it when holidays and human expectations impose their required emotional or affective states on me.

By the way, in looking up the various scriptures I wanted to reference for this blog post, I came across a discussion board thread at All About GOD called How do i know if i am really forgiven when i ask for it. The original poster never came back after making his initial query, but there were numerous answers provided. Many of the responses he got I'd consider somewhat empty platitudes and a few were just plain guilt trips, but one poster named Shari Burgess gave what I thought was a very honest answer:

I am sorry I don't have that answer for you but I will tell you that a lot of the forgiveness you seek starts within you. I don't know it seems that sometimes we are just programmed to continue with self hate self doubt not realizing that this is the trick of the "enemy" he wants you to be confused and not feel that you have been forgiven. Anything or anyone that makes you feel guilty or sad or hurt is not of God. Yes God does allow us to have guilt when we have done wrong but his word says that he forgives you and what ever you have done in the past is not a part of his memory. We are our own worst critics I know I suffer with the same problem I cling to all the hurt and the wrong I've done but we got to dig deeper into ourselves and understand if we were that bad we would not have the unique blessing to rise each and every day honor God in our actions and live to see another day.

Telling a depressed or upset person that Jesus makes life all sunshine and lollipops isn't helpful and usually communicates to the person who is struggling that you haven't the faintest idea what it's like to wrestle with real-life problems, let alone with faith. I don't know the answer to the conundrum but I suspect Shari is on the right track. However, I do know that it hurts when you think a wound is healing and it gets ripped open again.

This is Easter morning and the Christian and Messianic blogosphere abounds with joyous messages of resurrection, salvation, and hope. Never being one to fit in with the crowd, this is what I bring to the table for Sunday breakfast. The sun has risen and with it, the Son of God. Yet the road before me is still shrouded in darkness. I continue on my journey and await the dawn.

The road is long and I continue to travel in the dark.