There will be beauty in the person.
If there is beauty in the person,
There will be harmony in the house.
If there is harmony in the house,
There will be order in the nation.
If there is order in the nation,
There will be peace in the world.
-Chinese Proverb
It came down to Chicken Soup for the Soul or Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. My appetite could go in either direction and I wasn't sure which one was more appealing. I was at the public library during my lunch hour today, and even though I already had a book of my own to read, I found I really wasn't in the mood for 1930s vintage science fiction.
As I often do, I found myself wandering among the rather meager selection of Jewish religion books on the second floor and glanced at Chicken Soup for the Jewish Soul. I almost picked it up, but given recent conversations on the web, I wondered if it would be "kosher". Actually, I just wondered if it would even fit.
I was pulled between two poles: the need to find something to rekindle my spirit and the desire to "give in" to a sense of personal "fear and loathing" relative to religion (as opposed to "faith"?). I found Thompson's "Fear and Loathing" book and pulled it off the shelf. I also selected the more generic version of "Chicken Soup" trading in my "pastrami and kosher dill on rye and Jewish chicken soup" for the safer "peanut butter and jelly on wheat" reading selection.
I carried both books to a seat by the window in the back and pondered for a minute which one I should start first. I'd never read either book before and thought I should check them out, but I had to start with one of them. Both books are well known and considered classics in their own right. Chicken soup or fear and loathing? I'd been meaning to read them for years. What was I in the mood for?
I decided that chicken soup was probably healthier for me.
As the minutes to my lunch hour ran out, I decided to only check out Chicken Soup and I put Fear and Loathing back on the shelf (for the time being, anyway).
Forty-six pages into Canfield and Hansen's book and I can say that I'm only marginally interested. The thought of reading a book written by two motivational speakers isn't really "inspiring" to me. They generally promise to sell you a new personality (at inflated rates) and what you actually get is a few hours or, if you're lucky, a few days of elevation, followed by a return to your regularly scheduled life. That's not permanent change, it's just a temporary loan.
But I checked out Chicken Soup, so I might as well see it through. So far, a few of the stories have been heartwarming, a few have been tearjerkers, a few seem a little too contrived, and particularly one story seemed just plain strange ("I taught the audience how to vigorously rub their hands together, separate them by two inches and feel the healing energy"...huh?). I certainly hope more of the tales are of the "heartwarming" variety.
If you haven't guessed, I'm trying to find a compass heading that points me in the direction of who I am and what God wants me to do. Over the past several months, I've received a number of conflicting, if not confusing messages from a variety of sources. It's like walking into the Men's department at a clothing store and shopping for a sports coat. The different sales people keep making suggestions and giving me jackets to try on, but either the color is bad on me, they're too big, they're too small, the fabric itches, or something else doesn't seem quite right.
I don't know. Maybe I'm picky. After all, each one of these coats seems to fit each of the sales people offering them just fine. They just don't fit me.
Paul says there's a "peace beyond all understanding" but I can't seem to find it. Yeshua (Jesus) said the following:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” -Matthew 11:28-30I've been following the conversation on Derek Leman's blog post Not Jewish Yet Drawn to Torah, Part 8, but it seems rather cerebral at this point. I don't have a problem with good scholarship, but it's not my primary need right now.
All of these debates about "yes, you can pray with tefillin", "no you can't" "obligated vs. permitted", "you can only rest on Shabbat if you don't do it jewishly" just aren't taking me in the right direction.
I think I need something more basic. Where's that guy who said "I will give you rest"? I'll take some of that, please.
