Perhaps the most difficult middah to acquire is bitachon, real trust in Hashem that is expressed in action. The Mishnah Berurah writes that we recite the Torah portion detailing the arrival of the manna every day, “so that one should believe that all of his sustenance comes from Hashem’s providence. As the verse writes regarding the manna, ‘And the one who added did not gain, and the one who depleted did not lack.’”
from Daf Yomi Digest
Stories off the Daf
The Thanksgiving Offering
Menachos 76
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a blog post called Getting in the Wheelbarrow, which pointed to the significant difference between having faith in God and having trust in God. Most religious people have the first but that is no promise that they practice the second.
After a journey that ultimately started two years ago and particularly ramped up last year, I have finally tendered my formal resignation from the congregation where I've worshiped and taught for over five years. I previously mentioned my intention to do so and explained my reasons a number of times on this blog, including in the post A Far, Far Better Thing. That intention is now a reality. My last day in my current worship group is on Shabbat, June the 18th. After that, I will be "unaffiliated", at least in terms of a specific group membership.
What does this mean? My congregation (soon not to be "mine") were relieved when I told them that I was not abandoning my faith in Jesus. I think they assumed I would automatically transition into worshiping with my wife every week in synagogue on Shabbat. The latter isn't true, at least in the short run, and I have no idea what's going to happen next. On the one hand, I could be acting foolishly as a sort of "bird in the hand vs. two in the bush" example. On the other hand, I could be learning to trust God.
Trusting God isn't easy. Don't believe me? Read the rest of "The Thanksgiving Offering" from the Daf for Menachos 76:
Now pause a moment and before reading on. Go and check your refrigerators and pantries to see how they're stocked for food (assuming you're at home). Now open your wallets to make sure your credit and debit cards are still there. Unless you're an unusual person (or someone who doesn't live in a "developed" country), chances are you have food to spare and there is an abundant amount of "plastic" in your wallet.Yet the Zohar uses the manna as a paradigm of an even higher level of bitachon - the person who is so aware that everything he has is from Hashem that he doesn’t keep food in his possession from one day to the next. It is well known that the Baal Shem Tov, zy”a, never kept any extra money in his possession overnight. He would give it all away to the poor on the day that it came to his hands, relying on Hashem that he would have enough for the next day. Although this is a very great level, the Meorah Shel Torah writes that there was a time when a similar level was demanded of one who brings a sacrifice.
He wrote, “We may wonder why the breads of the korban todah may not be left over to be eaten the next day. One who brings a thanksgiving offering must be emotionally moved to closeness to Hashem since the todah is an admission of His amazing providence. One who truly appreciates that Hashem has made a miracle for him must redouble his bitachon. It is not appropriate to leave over from this sacrifice because this shows a lack of faith that Hashem will provide for him the next day. This is forbidden; holding over the todah breads is a demonstration of a lack of bitachon that contradicts the very meaning of the offering and blemishes it.”
Does this mean you don't trust God for all of your needs? Probably not. Most of us would consider it foolish to live from day-to-day and from hand-to-mouth without having some reserves. Most of us wouldn't be considered wise unless we maintained some sort of savings account or investments to meet our future needs. So does this mean the statement, "the most difficult middah to acquire is bitachon, real trust in Hashem that is expressed in action" is correct?
Absolutely.
I'm working on trusting God. I don't know what's going to happen next. I don't even have a plan about what I want to happen next, at least not a really firm plan. I'm like a man who has stepped off of a ship at sea wearing a life vest and who then casts himself away from the ship, leaving everything behind. All I have is the ocean, the life vest, and myself.
And God.
Of course, I still have my wife, my children, my home, my job, and a bunch of other stuff, so it's not like I'm absolutely isolated, but for the first time in a long time, I'll be functioning without a faith community. I am trusting that God will see my need, that He will see and understand what I did and why I did it, and that He will act upon my decision because He realizes that I'm trying to do the right thing (using what is most likely flawed human reasoning).
What will God do now? I don't know. I have faith that God is there and that He hears me. I have trust that God will respond to me and take care of me. Until He acts, like Jonah, I'm adrift at sea and waiting for a miracle.
The road is long and often, we travel in the dark.
2 comments:
Awesome post, James. That middah is a heavy one indeed. The ultimate really. Even though I don't know a lot about the situation, I admire you very much for trusting G-d enough to walk away. I will continue to pray for you (and read your great blog). :^)
I just wanted to point out that, while I understand the analogy of floating out at sea, that's the only similarity between you and Yonah. He wound up there because he ran from the work of G-d - and that's not what you're doing.
May Adonai bless eveything you put your hand to as you grow closer to and continue to rely on Him.
Thanks for your comments, Luke.
True, I wasn't trying to draw a 1-to-1 comparison between me and Jonah (and after all, he's a prophet of God and I'm just a guy), but there is some similarity. We both, at some point, find outselves in the sea with nothing but ourselves, the water, and the providence of God.
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