Looking for Myself

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it - not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it - they will be blessed in what they do. -James 1:22-25

James (Ya'akov), the brother of the Master, provides us a lesson that seems simple and straightforward. At it's core, he is telling his audience that the Torah, the teachings of God, defines who we are as believers. More to the point, the Torah, it's commandments and ordinances, define who is a Jew.

Ok, it's not that simple. In a practical sense, a Jew is anyone who has a Jewish mother, even if they don't study or observe the Torah. A Jew is a descendant of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. A Jew is the inheritor of the Torah and the covenant promises as given by God through Moses at Sinai. For non-Jews, simply obeying the Torah commandments in some manner or fashion, all by itself, does not make us Jewish.

So what does the Bible define for "the rest of us"? Look at what James is saying.

No matter who you are, it's not enough to read or to listen to the word. That doesn't tell you who you are. You might as well be anonymous and faceless if that's all there was to it. No, it's doing what the word says that defines you. Kind of like this quote from a popular movie:

It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me.
Batman/Bruce Wayne (played by Christian Bale)
Batman Begins (2005)

Even the entertainment industry understands that "actions speak louder than words". However, while obeying the Torah commandments does not turn a Gentile into a Jew, following the directives to love God with everything we've got and loving our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:29-31 quoting Deuteronomy 6:4-5 and Leviticus 19:18) does tell us, and the rest of the world, who we are as Gentile disciples of the Jewish Messiah. That is how we find ourselves.

But there's a catch:

On today’s daf we find that the minchas kenaos clears up the sin by identifying the wrongdoer absolutely or by exonerating her of suspicion. Perhaps, in its own way, this is the hardest test for every Jew: to own up when we have failed so that we can really change our ways. Rav Yaakov Galinsky, shlit”a, points the challenge inherent in this with his usual biting humor. “In Novardohk they would tell a story of a certain young man who was always late for cheder. Day after day this child was punished, only to be tardy yet again the following day. One day the melamed asked the boy directly. ‘Why are you late every day?’

He answered, ‘Rebbe, my problems are that I am disorganized and forgetful. When I go to sleep each night I drop my clothes wherever and go to bed. The next morning it takes me a long time to get dressed. Is it any wonder that I come late?’

“The melamed offered practical advice. ‘All you need to do is to write a list of precisely where you dropped each article of clothing. The next morning when you wake up, consult the list and you will know exactly where you left your clothes the night before.’ “The boy went home with a lightened heart. The next day the child didn’t come at all. As soon as he was able, the melamed rushed to the young man’s house. He found the boy at his house, fully dressed but obviously very bewildered.

“What happened?” he asked.

“’I did exactly what you said. I wrote down that my tzitzis were in the garden, my shirt on the chair, my pants on the floor etc, I said hamapil with great joy and went to sleep. This morning I woke up and got dressed quickly but I still cannot locate the final item. It says clearly that I am in bed, but I checked my bed - and everywhere else - many times and cannot seem to find myself…’ ”

Rav Yaakov concluded, “This is obviously a joke, but it is so sad. How many of us are looking to find ourselves but cannot seem to do so! The very first question we will be asked in the next world is, ‘Ayekah?’ Where did you go and what did you do? Where did you plant yourself and what happened with you?”
from Daf Yomi Digest
Stories off the Daf
Identify the Problem
Menachos 60

For observant Jews, the Torah and Talmud define who they are, where they are from, where they can "look for themselves", and what they must do in this world to serve God and to love their neighbors. The Bible, and particularly the New Testament, provides a similar function to someone who self-identifies as a traditional Christian. Jews and Christians usually attend synagogues and churches that are affiliated with well-established movements in their respective religions. If a Jew goes to an Orthodox shul, that synagogue is affiliated with a larger organization of synagogues and there is a higher organizational accountability. If a Christian goes to a Baptist or Pentecostal church, that church also has certain affiliations and there is also an organizational accountability. Each house of worship teaches and offers worship services consistent with the larger groups with which they are affiliated. They do not make up their own "rules". Everyone knows who they are based on established standards.

In "Messianic Judaism", there are any number of "umbrella" organizations, but the vast majority of them are oriented around providing a Jewish religious context to Jews who believe that Jesus (Yeshua) is the Jewish Messiah. Of course, Gentiles are allowed to attend these synagogues, but there is no real focus on the duties, responsibilities, and purpose of non-Jewish disciples of the Jewish Messiah.

On top of that, a large number of "Messianic synagogues" are completely unaffiliated, particularly those that fall in the "One Law" category, which means they create their own standards, establish their own interpretations of the Bible, and define their own methods of being "Torah-observant." There is no higher accountability until you get to God and for a number of these congregations, their leader tells his "flock" that he reports directly to God and cannot otherwise be held to any standard of responsibility.

My own congregation is affiliated with the International Federation of Messianic Jews (IFMJ) but it's not a very effective organization. In the years I've been involved in the leadership and teaching duties in my group, I've never once heard from any member or authority (although they periodically make contact with another board member) and they provide nothing in the way of support or oversight. Besides accepting our "tithes" every quarter, they might as well not exist, relative to the day-to-day operations of our congregation. They certainly have no impact on what I write on the congregation's blog or teach to the congregational members.

As an individual, I probably fall within Derek Leman's definition of a Judeo Christian believer. I'm a Gentile person who is a disciple of the Jewish Messiah, but my theological and educational understanding is oriented in a more "Jewish" manner. I tend to see the Jewish teachings and text as the window into the understanding of the Messiah and of God, rather than a traditional Christian theological framework. People like me create and operate Bible study groups, fellowships, and congregations all of the time, but to the degree that there are no "parent" organizations specifically devoted to addressing my population group, most people like me are unaffiliated. We are making up our stories as we go along, not only for ourselves, but for other groups of people.

That's not a good thing. It's far too easy for unaffiliated individuals and groups to make up stories about who they are that don't reflect what God is saying to us. Alone, it's far too easy for us to introduce error and mistakes into our understanding and our practice.

That's both the reason I must leave the One Law movement and the danger I face in leaving the movement (or at least in not immediately joining some other religious group). Right now, I don't have a support group or authority to respond to beyond the board of the congregation but in leaving, I won't have even that. Of course, I won't be teaching anyone else either, so I won't run the risk of messing up other people if I make a mistake (and people who read my blog do so at their own risk...I'm just one guy and I can make mistakes).

Every morning I look in the mirror when I shave and I wonder who that person is looking back at me. In praying, and studying, and living what I hope is a "Godly" life, like the "certain young man" in the story from Novardohk, I am looking for myself. Yet, in all the places I'm looking, where am I to be found? When he turned up missing, the young man's Rebbe went looking for him. Is there anyone else looking for me?

The road is long and often, we travel in the dark.