Do I have to go on?
I was so depressed I wanted to bang my head on the table. His question was basically, why do we struggle like this?
Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christian Faith
by Rob Bell
If we have no joy in our hearts, we deny the love of God. We should not say, "Our heart is a dwelling place of lust, jealousy, anger; there is no hope for us." Let us realize that we have another guest in us who desires to give us life and joy, notwithstanding our sin. Even if we are disturbed by worldly thoughts during our most intimate converse with God, we should not lose courage and joy.
Love and the Messianic Age
by Paul Philip Levertoff
Jacob wrestled with an angel (Genesis 32:22-32) and we wrestle with what it means, especially to us. We wrestle with our sin and we wonder if God even hears us sometimes. We behave as if we're our own worst enemy and yet we're commanded to love our neighbors as ourselves (Mark 12:31, Leviticus 19:18).
Isn't that crazy?
Probably not.
Yesterday, I talked about struggling between despair and joy, experiencing disturbing emotions in the immediate situation and striving to find my joy in God as an enduring state. Where do we find this? How do we do this?
I don't know. It's not easy.
I sometimes get really tired of moral or religious platitudes that we hear from religious leaders who are preaching or writing books, saying that we just need to do "this" in order to achieve "that". It's as if they don't live in the same universe as the rest of us. It's as if they don't have real, personal lives like the rest of us. What the heck are they talking about?
Of course these people have the same struggles as everyone else. Being a Pastor or a Rabbi or a whatever doesn't suddenly mean that you aren't human anymore, or you're not vulnerable to the same human struggles as everyone around you. It sometimes means that religious leaders try and pretend they're not human because they think their "flock" needs a superhuman shepherd.
It's one thing to "suck it up" and put your own concerns to one side when someone else needs a shoulder to cry on, but it's another thing entirely to project your self-expectation of being "perfect" onto the people around you, especially the people who depend on your compassion.
It's OK to want to bang your head on a table sometimes. It's OK if, during prayer, some rotten, guilty little thought creeps in between you and God. That doesn't mean you have to cave in to either temptation, and it doesn't mean you're a horrible person or a failure. However, if we give in to despair and we give up on ourselves, we're also giving up on God.
He's convinced he is a sinner, he's convinced he is going to sin, he has no hope against sin, he believes his basic nature is sin, and then he wonders why he keeps sinning.Rob Bell pretty much nails it as far as his lunch companion is concerned, and he maps out the danger Levertoff has warned us against (see the quote at the top of the page). While Jesus chided his disciples for their lack of faith, in fact, they had faith. They struggled with faith. They really struggled with faith when their Master was executed by the Romans, and their faith was restored when Jesus was resurrected. Their faith was strengthened and they were empowered when the Spirit came to them on the Festival of Shavuot (Pentecost). They kept their faith. They kept their hope. They were not abandoned. They were sometimes afraid, but they were never alone.
It's not a crime to struggle with faith. It's not a sin to struggle with God. The only real failure you'll face is if you give up on Him...and on you.
Sometimes we get tired and it's tough to get up and walk after a fall.Take it slow. Put your weight on one foot and then the other. Stand up. Then take the first step...
The road is long and often, we travel in the dark.
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