Looking for a Reason

Knowing that you lied straight-faced while I cried.
Still I look to find a reason to believe.

from the song Reason to Believe (1965)
Tim Hardin

I've had a number of challenges at work this week (actually, they began last week but I was hoping they'd be solved by now). This naturally has made me feel somewhat frustrated, but work problems come and work problems go. That's life.

What's somewhat more disturbing is what I blogged earlier today and particularly the responses I received on that blog post. No, everyone was polite, kind, and helpful...but I'd just never thought in this direction before:

There are many variations among various manuscripts of NT, some altering the meaning of certain passages significantly. In my early days as a believer I expected nothing but perfection from the word of G-d, so that all the footnotes in my NT used to bother me to no end and even make me question my faith at time. I don't think that NT was meant to be a second Torah where each letter is perfectly preserved by the scribes. It was simply a retelling/announcement of the Good News of Messiah, parts of it passed from person to person, then written down to pass it along.

Gene Shlomovich from his comment on my blog post

Coincidentally (but then, I don't believe in coincidence), I found another source of information that was operating along the same lines.

This form of higher criticism suggests the the Torah didn’t reach it’s final form until about 450 BCE.

This idea can be shocking to a lot of believers. Most conservative bible scholars categorically reject this idea, seeing as how it undermines the reliability of Scripture.

By claiming some books have been heavily edited and are therefore less reliable. “Oh, Leviticus should be taken with a grain of salt, seeing how it wasn’t formed until long after Genesis, having undergone many redactions to harmonize it with the other books!”

from Judah Himango's blog post
Set Your Hope On Moses

On the one hand, you could say that these revelations are part of a developmental process in my education on Christian and Jewish texts and after all, learning is good. On the other hand, it comes as quite a shock that I was so naive and...well, ignorant in my understanding of the document on which my faith is founded.

I still haven't made up my mind how to respond to all of this yet. I'm a little too "emotional" to plan out a reasoned response.

I've been listening to a Rod Stewart Greatest Hits CD, which of course includes "Reason to Believe". Right now, given the internal "shake up" I'm experiencing at how amazingly limited my understanding of the Bible is, I'm looking for a reason to believe. No, my faith isn't gone, but it's taken a pretty big hit. I haven't had a chance to "sleep on it" yet, so I guess we'll have to see how things pan out in the morning.

In the meantime, and hopefully only temporarily, I've lost sight of the road I'm on. The path has disappeared into the fog somewhere up ahead and I'm not sure if it even continues or not. It's like driving on a freeway in the middle of a desert at night. Going 75 mph or faster, you almost assuredly overshoot your headlights, so you can't be absolutely sure what lies ahead in the darkness. You could even hit something that exists out there and not see it until you are right on top of it.

Or the road could simply fall off the end of the earth.

I know there's something Paul said that fits an occasion such as this. I thought of it earlier today, but I can't recall it now. I know there are any number of platitudes that might cover a circumstance such as mine, but I really don't think platitudes will help. Like a man lost on a road at night, I'll have to slow down to a crawl and almost feel my way through the obsidian shroud, hoping and praying that God will provide a street lamp and a sign post.

On that Rod Stewart album there's another song that applies to how I'm feeling or at least how I want to feel (though Stewart admits that he plagerized Bob Dylan when he wrote it):

May the good Lord be with you
Down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness
surround you when you're far from home
And may you grow to be proud
Dignified and true
And do unto others
As you'd have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart you'll always stay
Forever Young, Forever Young
Forever Young, Forever Young

from Forever Young (1988)
by Stewart, Cregan, Savigar, (and Dylan 1974)

Addendum: This video of Greg Boyd describing his own crisis of faith as a "house of cards" seems particularly valuable. Thanks to Yahnatan for posting it in the comments of my previous blog post.

The road is long and often, we get lost in the dark...

Reading the Bible in the Dark

In the early days of Messianic Jewish Musings, I dealt extensively with the sort of over-literalist Wednesday or Thursday crucifixion crowd. Some of my good friends still read the Bible this way. The view goes like this: Yeshua had to be in the tomb three whole days and three whole nights or this would violate the prophecy from Jonah being three days and nights in the whale’s belly. Thus, if Yeshua rose Saturday night or Sunday before dawn, he had to be crucified on Wednesday (some say Thursday). This viewpoint overlooks many things, most notably that “after three days” is NOT EQUAL to “on the third day.” This view simply privileges one description over another and uses evidence selectively. As will be seen in future articles as well, this view CANNOT EXPLAIN the notion in all the gospels that they rushed to bury Yeshua before the Sabbath.

Derek Leman
After Three Days? Third Day? Yeshua and Passover

I used to enjoy reading the Bible. It used to be a simple pleasure to sit quietly, sipping a cup of coffee or tea and to immerse myself in the narrative; to experience, at least to some small degree, the lives of the men and women who had encountered God in a very special way.

I suppose, like most people, I took the Bible at face value or at least perceived it through the lens of my faith in God and in His Son, Jesus Christ (Yeshua HaMashiach), our Lord. When I became involved in the "Messianic movement", I felt like my knowledge of what that wonderful narrative was saying became deeper and a rich tapestry of comprehension had been spread out before me.

What did I know?

As Derek describes in his blog post, I am one of those over-literalist types and a member of the Wednesday or Thursday crucifixion crowd. From my understanding, it didn't make a great deal of sense to try and compact or compress three days into about a day-and-a-half just to make sure that Good Friday stayed Good Friday and that Easter Sunday stayed Easter Sunday. I got the impression that shifting my internal framework on the Messiah to favor Pesach (Passover) freed me from having to perform a lot of theological and literary gymnastics.

Then I read Derek's blog this morning and it reminded me that we can never take the Word of God at face value. Anymore, I feel like reading the Bible is like walking into a room full of trap doors and land mines. Everything seems quiet and innocent, but one wrong move and you're either dropped into a pit full of poison spikes or blown into the middle of next week.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not disdaining Derek, his observations, or his blog. He's an educated person who holds advanced degrees in theological topics, and he's an educator. He's doing what he is supposed to do. Still, my heart sank when I realized that another one of my assumptions and perspectives had been shot to "blue blazes", so to speak.

But what do I know?

Every Passover, my congregation conducts a public Seder. As part of our service, I read aloud from the latter portion of Chapter 16: One Long Day in D. Thomas Lancaster's King of The Jews. It is an hour by hour description, based on the Gospel of Mark, of the day of the crucifixion, from 9.a.m. until Seder night after the Master is entombed.

It's a very moving sequence, at least for me, and the people attending our Seder are often captured by the lived retelling of the sacrifice of our own "Passover lamb". It's a stark reminder of what he did for us and how we should experience the Seder, fully realizing and even "feeling" that we have been "passed over" by death because the Lamb of God has taken our place.

In last Monday's blog, I went "book shopping" and last night, I settled on a couple of books to read on the subject of the deity of Jesus. This is yet another topic that can't be taken for granted (and in my case, I haven't been), yet it is a belief from which many Christians and Messianics draw a great deal of meaning and truth.

I'm not saying I don't believe in education or gaining a deeper understanding of what the Bible is trying to tell us, but it seems as if having a straightforward view of the Bible and experiencing a simple faith is no longer possible. Once you cross some sort of invisible line, you can't "trust" the Word or faith anymore. You can't look at either one (at least I can't) without wondering what sort of mask they're wearing today (and given this particular revelation, I wonder how the Bereans ever managed...they must have been scriptural geniuses).

While pursuing "hidden truths" may be exciting for some, I'd just like to be able to open the Bible and believe that what I can read and understand in its pages is what it's really telling me.

Of course my struggles are my struggles and they start and end with me, but I can't help wondering about the legion of "ordinary people" out there who read the Bible, trust what their Pastors and Sunday School teachers say about the Bible, and move through it's pages with innocent and uncomplicated assurance that the English words mean exactly what they seem to mean.

Why does understanding God, at least on a very basic level, have to be so hard? Why should you have to approach the Bible each morning as if you're preparing to write a thesis for a Master's Degree? If the Gospel is supposed to be the "Good News", how can we know for sure, unless we consult theologians and scholars who can interpret every single "jot and tittle" for us? If the "Good News of Jesus Christ" is really so complicated and cryptic, how can anyone find that simple, comforting faith?

This is in no way a criticism or Derek Leman, his blog, educated people, scholars, or theologians. This is just my way of saying "ouch" after stubbing my toe on another unseen rock while traveling down the road in the dark.

The road is long and often, we stumble in the dark...

An Old Dog Looking for a New Book

To answer the title question effectively requires more than the citing of a few texts; we must first acknowledge that the way to the answer is more difficult than it appears and recognize that the answer may be less straightforward than many would like. The author raises some fascinating yet vexing questions: What is worship? Is the fact that worship is offered to God (or a god) what defines him (or her) as "G/god?" What does the act of worship actually involve? The conviction that God exalted Jesus to his right hand obviously is central to Christian recognition of the divine status of Jesus. But what did that mean for the first Christians as they sought to reconcile God's status and that of the human Jesus? Perhaps the worship of Jesus was not an alternative to worship of God but another way of worshiping God. The questions are challenging but readers are ably guided by James Dunn, one of the world's top New Testament scholars.

From the product description of:
Did the First Christians Worship Jesus?

I'm getting towards the end of A Complete Idiot's Guide to the Talmud (which is really good, by the way) and am in search of my next book to read. I suppose I've got enough books around the house to choose from, but some of the comments from my recent blog post The Deity Problem piqued my interest. A number of books specifically on the topic of the deity of the Jewish Messiah were suggested. The question is, can I "trust" them?

I don't mean "trust" in that Christian scholars would deliberately lie to people in their books about the evidence supporting Jesus being God (what else would they say?), but "trust" in the sense that, already having reached a conclusion long before they ever did a bit of research, can I really know that their conclusions on "the deity issue" will be completely unbiased and based only on the Biblical record? Also, since these writers are considered "New Testament" experts and scholars, will they even take the Torah, the Prophets, and the Writings (the Old Testament, which makes up the first two-thirds of the Bible) into consideration?

The authors could have saved themselves a lot of writing by just inserting one small sentence on a single page of their books saying, "Jesus is God", and that would be the end of it. The world of Christianity (at least as far as I know) universally agrees that Jesus is God; end of story. No ifs, ands, or buts. No questions asked (at least out loud where others might hear them).

Since Christianity takes the matter of Jesus being God on faith (and pretty much for granted), what's the point of research, evidence, discussion and so forth? Why not just accept that Jesus is God (somehow) and let sleeping dogs (or old dogs like me) lie?

Frankly, if the deity of Christ is a settled matter in the church, I really don't know why any scholars, researchers, and other men of letters (none of the authors are women, so I can safely say that last bit) even write such texts? It certainly isn't as an evangelizing tool, since most non-Christians won't read these books and even if they did, a non-believer is unlikely to be convinced that Jesus is Lord and Savior from an academic work.

All that said, I still find myself pondering a number of titles and wondering if I should lay down my hard earned cash to purchase one or more of these books. Here's the short list:

• Jesus and the God of Israel by Richard Bauckham
• Did the First Christians Worship Jesus? by James D. G. Dunn
• How on Earth Did Jesus Become God by Larry W. Hurtado

All three books have good reviews at Amazon, but all of the favorable reviewers are Christians. I did find a poor review of one of the books, but the reviewer wasn't a Christian (see a pattern?). All of the authors are considered very well educated men in their field and have excellent reputations as New Testament scholars. All of their books were written for an audience that doesn't need to be convinced of the deity of Jesus since the audience has already arrived at the desired conclusion defined by the authors.

With all of that bias going on, what can I hope to learn except something like, "Yep, Jesus is God"...?

This dilemma has a parallel in another idea I had recently (but one that I'll probably have to give up) been considering. I've been thinking about taking some Bible or Religious classes, either online or through one of the schools in my area. However, the schools, being Christian schools and based on specific denominations, will carry the biases and theologies of those organizations. The only thing I'll "learn" is how a particular sub-set of Christianity understands the Bible.

For instance, Northwest Nazarene University has a very good reputation, at least locally, in a number of academic areas. They offer different religous programs as well, but when looking at the summary of some of the classes involved, they are very much biased towards how Nazarenes look at the Bible. This isn't exactly a shock, but I attended a Nazarene church for a number of years back when I first became a believer and sadly, they didn't leave a very good impression on me.

See where I'm coming from? What makes it worse, is most of the reading I've done (though not all of it) in relation to religion and faith over the past ten years or so, has either been from "Messianic" or Jewish source material. I suppose I'm just as biased as the Christian books and schools I'm considering but since the Messianic world is going to become an unavailable option for me in a few months, I have to consider alternatives.

Reading a book won't kill me and it's a lot less expensive and time consuming than enrolling in a university class. With that in mind, if you had to choose one of the books in the list above, which one would you pick and why?

The comments section is now open. Let me know what you think.

Thanks.

The road is long and often, we travel in the dark...

What Would Gandhi Do?

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." -Gandhi

Nietzsche once said, "If you stare into the abyss long enough, the abyss stares into you." I once thought that faith would be a way for me to finally turn away from the abyss and for the abyss to finally turn away from me. Yet Gandhi's experiences with Christians remind me that what's wrong with a life of faith isn't the act of faith, but having to deal with the people of faith. We are the weakest link in the chain.

Mahatma Gandhi is one of the most respected leaders of modern history. A Hindu, Gandhi nevertheless admired Jesus and often quoted from the Sermon on the Mount. Once when the missionary E. Stanley Jones met with Gandhi he asked him, “Mr. Gandhi, though you quote the words of Christ often, why is that you appear to so adamantly reject becoming his follower?”

Gandhi replied, “Oh, I don’t reject your Christ. I love your Christ. It’s just that so many of you Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

Apparently Gandhi’s rejection of Christianity grew out of an incident that happened when he was a young man practising law in South Africa. He had become attracted to the Christian faith, had studied the Bible and the teachings of Jesus, and was seriously exploring becoming a Christian. And so he decided to attend a church service. As he came up the steps of the large church where he intended to go, a white South African elder of the church barred his way at the door. “Where do you think you’re going, kaffir?” the man asked Gandhi in a belligerent tone of voice.

Gandhi replied, “I’d like to attend worship here.”

The church elder snarled at him, “There’s no room for kaffirs in this church. Get out of here or I’ll have my assistants throw you down the steps.”

From that moment, Gandhi said, he decided to adopt what good he found in Christianity, but would never again consider becoming a Christian if it meant being part of the church.

How we treat those others tells people MORE about what we believe, and what following Jesus means to us, than all the fine sermons we deliver.

Found at John Mark Ministries
(original source unknown)

In visiting a number of blog posts and their accompanying comments over the past several months and particularly in recent weeks, I see an unswerving dedication of the believers making said blogs and comments to following the example and traditions of the Christians who threw Gandhi out of church in South Africa. If someone who doesn't fit the mold or says something that doesn't fit the prevailing theology of the group, they are insulted, belittled, and cast out.

I had a somewhat similar (though not as intense) experience in a church I used to attend once I started studying the Old Testament in a new way and started trying to grasp what the Torah must look like from a more Hebraic point of view. I no longer fit the mold and could not be accepted in the group while I asked questions the group wasn't prepared to answer. I did that just a few days ago and drew a lot of comments and conversation.

Don't get me wrong, the conversation is very worthwhile and I think there is much to be learned from such a dialog, but along with the interaction, some people found it necessary to get hot under the collar about the topic.

Why?

Are you so sure that your opinion is the only opinion and that it is the absolutely right opinion? Can you learn from no one else outside of you?

I ask these questions of myself all the time and this blog is the continually developing result of my attempt to answer those questions. Hopefully, my struggles, which are primarily with me, won't eventually degrade into developing and expressing a disdain for others. One of the things I am sure of is that putting people down because they disagree with me isn't the right thing to do:

There are other ways in which we are forbidden to injure another with words. Thus, we are commanded not to slander, gossip, or talebear, as the Torah states, "Do not go around as a gossiper among your people" (Leviticus 19:16). Concerning a slanderer, the Psalmist entreated, "May God cut off all slandering lips, every tongue that speaks distortions" (Psalms 12:4), thereby warning us that this is among the most serious of sins.

It is likewise forbidden to cause pain, anguish or suffering, or tease another, or embarrass him in any way, as the Torah states, "Do not vex your fellow man, but rather fear your God" (Leviticus 25:17).

It is forbidden to cause dissent and argument, as the Torah states, "Do not be like Korach and his party" (Numbers 17:5) -- who wrought dissent in Israel.

From Respecting God in Speech
Aish.com

The Master gave us a new commandment to "love one another" (John 13:34), which I've mentioned before, and I've also said that we don't seem to do a very good job at obeying this commandment. We also know this:

But the word love in Torah is primarily an activist commandment: Love your neighbor and the stranger; love God. Even to love God (says Talmud Yoma 26a) means we should behave divinely toward others, “making God beloved, through us.” And Maimonides brought an almost ecological consciousness to loving the One in the Mishneh Torah: “When we study God’s many wondrous works and creations, and thus comprehend God’s infinite wisdom, immediately we love, and praise.” The prophets warn us to pair every prayer with acts of love. As 20th-century Jewish philosopher Martin Buber taught: “Love of the Creator and love of that which God has created, are finally one and the same.”

Rabbi Fred Scherlinder Dobb
Adat Shalom Reconstructionist Congregation
Bethesda, MD
Found at Moment Magazine

I question my faith a lot and sometimes I wonder, given all of the problems we seem to have with each other, if a life of faith is worth it. Wouldn't I be happier if I just dropped a life that no one seems interested in actually living, and simply devoted myself to things like art, philosophy, literature, and music? Many people find great rewards in those pursuits and they don't hassle each other about it.

However, there's nothing wrong with God, Christ, and faith. As Gandhi's famous experience points out, there's something wrong with us. We are not being a light to the world (Matthew 5:14) and we are salt that has lost its taste (Matthew 5:13). What good are we if we don't actually live out the teachings of the one we are supposed to revere?

Jesus said, "If you love me, you will keep what I command" (John 14:15), but we don't keep his command to love one another, at least as far as what I can see.

Is there no humility and a desire to reconcile among the disciples of the Jewish Messiah? Is our faith and love that small?

The well-known Torah scholar Hillel (ca. 60 B.C.E.-C.E. ca. 10) famously summed up all of Torah by saying, That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole Torah; the rest is the commentary; go and study. (Tractate Shabbat 31a). Yeshua taught, Love your neighbor as yourself (Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 22:39), very much mirroring Hillel, but our actions in the blogosphere prove we don't give much consideration to either Yeshua or Hillel.

I like the text found under the main title at Lev Echad:

Jewish unity is possible - really! It begins with acting decently toward one another, it follows with tolerating others as they pursue lives of goodness; it culminates with many different Jews, but just one heart.

Why can't we do that?

The road is long and often, we travel in the dark...

The Deity Problem

According to Jewish sources, the Messiah will be born of human parents and possess normal physical attributes like other people. He will not be a demi-god, nor will he possess supernatural qualities.

The Messiah must be descended on his father’s side from King David (see Genesis 49:10 and Isaiah 11:1). According to the Christian claim that Jesus was the product of a virgin birth, he had no father—and thus could not have possibly fulfilled the messianic requirement of being descended on his father’s side from King David!

from Why Don't Jews Believe in Jesus
SimpleToRemember.com

I believe that Deity of Moshiach is the most doctrine if not right there with the most important doctrine in Scripture! I think that many in the Messianic movement are denying the Deity of Yeshua is because they want to be accepted really bad by the Orthadox community (non believers). Now I would really want to be accepted by the Orthadox community also but are we to do that at the expense of denying the Deity of Yeshua? That's a compromise that can't be made, at least for me!

Anonymous comment from
What Our Leaders Believe: The Kinzer Edition
On the Kineti L'Tziyon blog

The "deity of Yeshua (Jesus)" issue has come up again in the Messianic blogosphere and it remains an interesting discussion. You might be thinking that "this is a no-brainer" and "of course Jesus is God", but it's not that clear cut. Let me explain.

There is a general "collision" between Messianic Judaism (MJ) and the rest of Judaism in relation to the identity and capacities of the Messiah. Of course, there's also this "conflict" between Judaism and Christianity, but Christians (for the most part) aren't trying to say that they are part of the larger Jewish community and have a direct affiliation with normative Judaism and Israel. Messianic Judaism is very much based on those propositions.

Messianic Judaism, at least in it's desire, is a "Judaism" in the same manner as the Reform, Conservative, and Orthodox branches of Judaism. In general, they have a cultural and religious view that matches the other Judaisms (and I'm being very simplistic here since their are major differences between the Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform movements, but they are still all considered "valid" Judaisms), accept the same identity markers and authorities (such as the authoritative rulings of the sages as recorded in the Talmud and other works), and strive to be internally consistent with larger Israel in all ways.

That is, except for the Messiah, and here is where we encounter dissonance. With that in mind, what do (non-Messianic) Jews believe about Jesus being God?

Who died on the cross? Was it Jesus-the-god, or was it Jesus-the-human? If it was Jesus-the-god, Jews don't believe that God can die. If it was Jesus-the-human, then all Christians have in the death of Jesus was a human death, a human sacrifice. Jews believe that God hates the very idea of human sacrifice.
from Jews believe that God hates human sacrifices

It is the hallmark of pagan, idolatrous faiths, to confuse God with human beings, either that God becomes human, or that humans become God. In Biblical history, one sees this confusion with Pharaoh, and with Haman (boo, hiss!), as well as with Antiochus, the Assyrian King against whom the Maccabbees rebelled. Furthermore, as one example, in Hosea 11:9 God tell (sic) us, "For I am God and not a man."
from Jews believe that God is God, and humans are humans

Within mainstream Judaism, all observant Jews (to the best of my knowledge) do not expect the Messiah to be God and in fact, they expect him to be fully and completely human and born of a human mother and father. They certainly don't believe that Jesus was the Messiah and they absolutely don't believe that Jesus was/is God.

Now what about Messianic Judaism? Again, to the best of my knowledge, the vast, vast majority of individual Messianic Jews and Messianic Jewish organizations do believe that Jesus (Yeshua) was/is God.

Back in September, I wrote a blog post on the Trinity which elicited a number of interesting comments, but not the explosion of outrage I expected. Based on those responses, I believe there is room for discussion and exploration of the issue of Yeshua's deity in the Messianic community and how this diverges from mainstream Jewish thought. This matter is probably one of the few concepts in MJ that cannot rely on the Talmud or the opinions of the Jewish sages for support, since traditional Jewish authorities do not believe that Yeshua was the Messiah and do not believe he could be God.

In other words, this is just about the only point of theology where Messianic Jews must rely entirely on traditional Christian thought to define the Messiah's identity and role.

Messianic Judaism is the only "Judaism" which openly acknowledges that Jesus is the Messiah, born of a virgin, crucified dead and buried, raised on the third day, and who sits at the right hand of God the Father.

Very Christian.

All other Judaisms are still waiting for the Messiah to come (for the first time) and when he does, they believe he won't be God. Of all the issues in the Messianic movement, at least as conceived of and lived out by organizations such as the Messianic Jewish Theological Institute (MJTI), this is the one that puts Messianic Judaism squarely at odds with mainstream, normative Judaism. The barrier this creates is often downplayed in the Messianic blogsphere, but it's the only area where, when MJ says "We're a Judaism just like all other Judaisms", the most likely response from the other Judaisms will be "No, you're not. You're Christians."

The road is long and often, we travel in the dark...

Embracing Your Inner Shiksa

I am a recent convert to Judaism, but I still call myself a Shiksa. Why? Because I’ve spent the majority of my life as a Gentile. I’m exploring Jewish cuisine with an open mind and heart. I am happy that I was born a Shiksa; it made me who I am today. Judaism is my spiritual path, but I will never forget where I came from. Plus, “The Convert In The Kitchen” doesn’t sound quite as cute, does it? ;)

Tori Avey
from The Shiksa in the Kitchen

I came across Tori Avey on twitter and was intrigued. Actually, after my last few rather somber blog posts, I needed an emotional and spiritual pick-me-up and "the shiksa in the kitchen" seemed to fill the bill.

I've read a number of books on conversion to Judaism lately and, from what I understand, most converts want to keep a low profile, despite the fact that the Torah commands Israel not to oppress the convert and not to treat them any differently than "born-Jews". Human nature (Jewish or otherwise) tells me that there's plenty of "treating differently" that still goes on.

That's why it's a little surprising to me that Avey not only is so upfront and public about being a convert, but refers to herself as a "shiksa" (I always picture shiksas as blond for some reason, which certainly isn't Avey).

I authentically have to admire and congratulate Avey for openly blogging the Shiksa is Jewish! She must have a very supportive family and synagogue to feel so comfortable in sharing her world with the rest of us. Either that, or she possesses boundless amounts of courage and self-confidence. Ether way, I kind of envy her.

As many of you know, the word shiksa means a non-Jewish woman. Some of you may be wondering, “Is she still going to be called The Shiksa In The Kitchen?” I answer that question with an enthusiastic yes! Historically, the word Shiksa has been used in a derogatory way — meant to convey that the “Shiksa” is somehow “less than” somebody born into Judaism. Rather than shy away from the word, I choose to let my background empower me. I have no shame that I was born a Shiksa; I am exploring Judaism through the eyes of somebody newly reborn and thrilled to be part of the Tribe. I am happy that I was born a Shiksa; it made me who I am today. Judaism is now my spiritual path, but I will never forget where I came from. Plus, “The Convert In The Kitchen” doesn’t sound quite as cute, does it?

What's also amazing (at least compared to the Messianic blogosphere) is the comments section on her blog post which directly announces the completion of her conversion. Click the link and take a few moments to scroll down through the various congratulations and warm regards related by everyone who has chosen to express them, born-Jew and convert alike. It's quite refreshing.

Does what I'm writing have anything to do with similar blogs I've written about community lately? Absolutely!

Tori Avey found her community and a place where she is welcome to be who she is (Jewish, shiksa, and all). May God grant us all (yes, me too) the same grace...and a home.

Thanks for the blog, Tori (should, by some miracle, you ever find this post and read this).

The road is long and often, we travel in the dark...

Where is the House that God Built?

Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. In vain you rise early
and stay up late, toiling for food to eat - for he grants sleep to those he loves. -Psalm 127:1-2

For I am already being poured out, and the time of my departure has arrived. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have guarded the belief. For the rest, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Master, the righteous Judge, shall give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all those loving His appearing." -2 Timothy 4:6-8

I'm quoting from two recent blog posts, Writing in the Dirt and The Maggid's Blog respectively. I've been feeling a little uninspired and unmotivated on this blog over the past few days, but the combination of these messages suggested a topic.

Actually, I also have to include Derek Leman's report on Hashivenu 2011, Day 3 to the mix, since it also discusses the topic of "community", particularly between the church and the Messianic Jewish synagogue.

The solution may be found in a number of forms. New congregations that are solely Jewish can form. Existing mixed groups could find ways to be on a trajectory toward Jewish congregations. My own suggestion, well-received, was that many existing MJ congregations think of themselves as Judeo-Christian congregations with a Jewish minyan within. Over time, we can work toward an independent life for the Jewish minyans within our congregations.

What does this have to do with me?

Right now, it seems like "not much". As I feel myself mentally and emotionally divorcing myself from anything that calls itself "Messianic Judaism", I keep trying to envision myself going back to "the church". Frankly, the idea still feels rather alien to me, in part because of the quote from Psalm 127. In my search for a "church home", how do I know which one has been "built by the Lord"? As I read Derek's report on the Hashivenu conference (and I recommend giving it a look...lots of interesting stuff), I find myself also feeling alien in relation to Messianic Judaism. I suppose the latter comes from not ever having attended a "Messianic Jewish" congregation as opposed to a One Law group that was primarily Gentile-driven. Given Derek's description of the conference over the past three days, I don't think I'd fit in there, either.

So what's left?

I don't know right now. Like any Pending Divorce, there's a part of the process where you feel neither connected nor disconnected, but are cycling somewhere in between the two states of being.

That brings me to the comment Paul wrote in 2 Timothy 4:6-8 as he was coming to the end of his life. I'm expected to "run the race" until the very end and I certainly want to, but as it stands now, I'll be a marathon runner somewhere out on the road in the middle of the night, away from anyone else, looking for sign posts.

My son complicated matters just a little while ago. I had lunch with him to discuss things that are going on in his life including matters of faith. Although both he and his wife are believers, they haven't ever attended a church together. They're currently living with my son's in-laws who also believe but don't attend a church.

Feeling my own sense of "disconnectedness", I asked him about going to a congregation and he suggested coming to mine.

Oh wow!

David's been to a Messianic (One Law) group before, so he knows more or less what to expect, but his wife will be taken by surprise, no doubt. Plus, I've never actually taught family members before, which I can only imagine is a unique experience. How can I tell him that I'm getting ready to leave soon? How can I tell him that as of this summer, I will be as much without a congregation as he and his family are now?

My son did say a funny thing, though. He said that when a person feels comfortable where they're at in their church or congregation, that's when they need to do something to make themselves uncomfortable. In other words, faith isn't supposed to be an easy going process.

I can relate to that very well. Now, all I need to know is where to find the house that the Lord built. I'm sure it must be around here...

...somewhere.

The road is long and often, we travel in the dark, ignoring the light of the world. Look for the lamp who lights your path or you may become lost in the dark forever.

"A Jew never gives up. We're here to bring Mashiach, we will settle for nothing less." -Harav Yitzchak Ginsburgh